Sunday, 25 October 2015

The Wanderer Returns...Again

Greetings. So...erm...it's been a while. Actually its been a lot more than that. Where have I been for the past couple of months you ask? ( Okay perhaps you aren't thinking that but...lets just play along).While I would love to say I've been on some insane adventure climbing mountains, exploring deep sea trenches and such; the reality is I just sort of got sucked in to the panic fueled vortex of exam season and then somehow faded into the background of life somewhere along the way. (If that isn't an awkward sentence...). Anyhow, now I'm here on a Sunday evening, in my second year of uni, wondering where all the time has gone.

Admittedly, I haven't done a very good job at posting on here in regular intervals but that's something that I'd like to change from now on. Yes I've said that before, so whats different this time? Thinking about it; posting my various thoughts and musings on here is like having a sort of online public private journal ( if that makes sense). Even if only one person reads it or perhaps no one at all does; being able to say, or type rather, my ideas or the way I'm feeling and sharing it out there in the world, helps for me to sort things in my mind and at times see things in a new perspective. Normally, I often don't talk about things or show how I'm feeling; not because I don't think it's cool to do so or anything like that; it's just in a way its easier to pretend that I'm forever 'cool as a cucumber'. However, having this blog and remaining fairly anonymous, allows me to share things that I sometimes wouldn't otherwise share with friends or family and just generally gives mean outlet where I can just unload the random musings that mill around in my head or share an experience, in the hopes that it comes across in a coherent way and that someone may actually want to read a post until the end. So here I am making yet another come back.  How many of those can one have you ask? Well...

I guess for now that's all I have to say and hopefully it wont be too long before the next time. So dear reader, I hope that you're doing well wherever you are and that you have an awesome week.

Until the next time.

Cheerio x

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

New Year, New Bullet Journal

When it comes to organisation I've always liked to believe that there is method in my madness. I've tried many different organisational methods but they never seemed to last. I've tried planners, various apps, writing stuff on post it notes, which kind of worked; that is until I began losing them. At one point I even resorted to writing on my arms; you couldn't lose an arm now could you?  But recently, after having a little amble around the web;  I came across this new idea called bullet journalling by Ryder Carroll. If you haven't heard of it before, he explains it rather well in his video found here.

After, watching the video and browsing through the well organised website, I was sold. It was a system that allowed me to quickly and efficiently jot down things that I needed to do or remember and to categorise them so they were easy to identify and refer back to. The flexibility of it meant that you don't end up feeling guilty if you miss out a couple of days (or weeks...) here and there, as you  only write down what you need, when you want to. Plus the prospect of a new notebook was rather tempting. 

Having seen previous methods crash and burn I decided to do a test run. After a month or so of trialing it out, me and my test bullet journal were still going strong. I could write down as much or as little as I liked. I could keep track of daily tasks and still have space to doodle or jot down quotes or interesting ideas. No more wistfully gazing at beautifully organised filofaxes and planners online; I had finally found something that worked for me. 

After spotting it in various stationery stores and reading promising reviews, I decided on this emerald Leuchtturm 1917 to serve as my bullet journal. 




The paper inside felt really smooth and the lines aren't too bold. But one of the biggest bonus features was that the pages were all numbered and there was a built in index which made it ideal for its new purpose. I haven't really written much in it yet but I might do another post in the near future to demonstrate how I organise and use it and with more demonstrations of my excellent photography skills (ie.stick random filters on things in the hope that it looks vaguely attractive and fancy).

It's nearly midnight and the end of 2014. So to whoever is reading this, I hope you have an awesome new year and may you shine and prosper and all that jazz. 

Cheerio :) 



Sunday, 14 December 2014

So...

I honestly can't believe it's been 2 months since I last posted anything. It wasn't so much that I was busy or I didn't have anything to say rather, if I'm honest I just kept putting this off and it just kind of escalated from there. Let me try and explain.

When I last posted on here, I was feeling positive about the future. Ready to go out there, guns a blazing and with the promise that I'd be more optimistic and just try my best. Well, that appeared to last for all of about a week before I reverted back to a state of blind panic and general gloominess.

I'm not even sure what happened and I don't think it was one thing specifically, rather a series of things. See it's often said that there are two kinds of people; the optimists who are forever hopeful and the pessimists who like to anticipate the worst. I'm not sure which category I'd fit in. I don't necessarily think that the world is a dark place nor do I think that all people are inherently evil; in fact it's quite the opposite. I am full of optimism when it comes to most people and I'm forever collecting happy and inspirational quotes to share. It's just when it comes to myself I am far more hesitant to believe something good is going to happen. I tend to anticipate the worst because in a way if that doesn't happen then it can only be better. So what does that make me? An optimistic pessimist or a pessimistic optimist perhaps?          

As of late, more and more little things started getting to me. It started off as just a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that suddenly escalated into being stuck in this dark gloom that I just couldn't shake off no matter what I tried. For instance one day, I decided to try writing out my notes on narrow ruled paper, in some kind of attempt to mix things up and change my mood. Half way through, I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. Suddenly the lines just seemed too small, my writing too scrawny and worst of all I wasn't even taking in any of what I had just written. In that moment I realised I hated narrow ruled paper and I wanted back my familiar medium college ruled paper. The paper I'd grown up with and had gotten used to. Where the lines weren't too big or too small but, to quote good old Goldilocks, somehow 'just right'. Of course, it was clear that this was about much more than the lined paper.

I know that people say that talking about it helps but I don't really know how to and I don't want to turn into the person that's forever complaining of how everything sucks and just generally rain all over everyone else's parade with my doom and gloom. So I just keep just stuff things in my metaphorical box and on the outside I generally appear cool as a cucumber. I am the master of sweeping things under the carpet and it's gotten to the point where I don't even know how to cry or let things out anymore. But every once in a while the box gets too full, things start pouring out and the cracks start to show. If I'm honest after years of just ignoring stuff, I have no real ways of actually dealing with things.

When I first started uni, I had this picture of what things would be like. I was far more optimistic. I had a plan and it finally felt like things were starting to work out. And now? Now it just feels like I've lost control of everything and I just don't know anymore. I hate feeling sorry for myself and I know that my life could be so much worse, but that doesn't make me feel any better. So now I'm stuck in this existential crisis of sorts; obsessively drinking mugs of green tea, trying to piece things back together again.              

"I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it. " - T.S  

Monday, 13 October 2014

And so it begins....

It seems like forever has gone by and at the same time it feels like yesterday since I last posted something on here. A lot has happened since. The pleasantries of welcome week are over and now the work has finally began. I'm not complaining or anything, I know full well what I've signed up for; but if I'm perfectly honest a part of me is terrified. I'm no stranger to indepent learning but the fact that it's now all on me is rather scary. And now I'm scared that I won't have done enough. That I'm not going to be enough.

But after a period of blind panic I've decided to just give it my best shot. At the end of the day, that's all any of us can do and whatever happens, happens. That's not to say that everything's dandy now; because I still have my moments but I'm learning to be more optimistic.

What really made my day this week, in the midst of my gloom, was the kind words of encouragement from a really amazing person that I've always kind of looked up to. Anyway, you know who you are and if you're reading this thank you. It really meant a lot to me and you really made my day.

At the moment my favourite module by far is human anatomy.  Its something that I always dreamed of learning and now I finally get to do it. Plus drawing lots of pretty diagrams means that I get to indulge in my stationery addiction and put my various pens, markers and colouring pencils to good use.

We also had our first anatomy practical. I wasn't sure how I would handle coming face to face with real human body parts from a deseased person. But I really suprised myself in that it didn't really phase me that much. I mean it was somewhat surreal but I just seemed to get on with it. I guess I just somehow managed to detatch from it all and remind myself that these individuals had selfeslsy given their bodies to benifit others and I owed it to them to make the most of it.  I haven't encountered any whole cadavers. I don't know how I would react to that. A whole dead body is a whole different ball park to a limb. I did however, peep in the room next door and saw what I presume were cadavers in some kind of body bags. But it definitely made me stop and think.  It was almost  like a reminder that we aren't as immortal as we like to think. It was hard to think that those cadavers were once alive and they had real hopes, dreams and fears and friends and families that loved them.

I would say I'm definitely enjoying my time at uni so far. I've met some amazing people and I guess I'll just have to see where it takes me.

This is one of my favourite quotes of the week.

I guess that's all I have to say for now.  So till the next time. 

Cheerio :)